I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
