So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
