im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize