Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
