I could make wine with my vomit
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
