i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize