RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
