I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
