The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
