i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
