also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
