First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
