I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
