if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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