Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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