I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
accomplished twins. life is a go
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
