Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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