Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
