This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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