What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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