she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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