He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize