SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
