I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
