just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
