why do cheetos always look like penises
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
