i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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