Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
