i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
