So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
