the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
