He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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