whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My vagina is very pro this idea
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
