The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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