put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
