My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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