he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He shit in the fireplace
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
