If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize