i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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