so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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