the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
