something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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