Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
