i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I did not marry a roomba.
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