it's too hot outside to masturbate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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