I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
