***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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