I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
