"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize