hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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