What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
