A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Randomize
