And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
