its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
