you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize