What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
