This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
