Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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