So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
