you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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