oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize