Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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