It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
