I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
