none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize