is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The best revenge is premature balding
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
