Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
