it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
