i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
