This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
