Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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