Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
