I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
