Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
