If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
