There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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