I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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