after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize