My pussy is not your playground.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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