You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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