Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
