Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
