He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
