i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
