it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
