he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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