i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
