He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
