i don't like sucking hair
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
