I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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