you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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