Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
