***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
