omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize