I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How external is "for external use only"?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
