Swine flu. Run for my life!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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