When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
